Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Earthquake

I sat through an Earthquake last night - the bed shook and the tv in my bedroom started to move from it's stand - awesome.

That said, I was alone so no claims that I made the Earth move last night!

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

OMFG! Holy Shit, etc, etc

Following yesterdays post about internet dating, I went to the Guardian dating website - imagine my surprise when I see one of the people in my locale as being a woman in my office!

Anyhoo, on to more mundane things.

Welcome News that the Turks are looking to modernise Islam. Just out of interest, when do you think the riots will start?

News that the Odeon chain aren't showing the new Rambo film. Well, it does say undisclosed commercail reasons, but I would love to think it's because the film is :-
a) shit
b) grotesque
c) a waste of money and time

A big Hi to Paul, Jonathan and Ben at Black & White and Read all over. Nice to see you guys still on the web during my ranting hiatus.

On a virtual life topic, i lost all of my saved games on my Xbox 360 about two weeks ago. This means that I am without game saves, so have to start all my games from scratch. Bugger.
Hi to the guys at RaR - Once i fianlly work out how to post a pic i'll do it, but after that - bring on R6V2.


Currently listening to :-
Song: When the levee breaks.
Artist: Led Zeppelin
Album: Led Zeppelin IV

Monday, February 25, 2008

Dating

Internet dating.
Bad Idea?
I have been toying with the idea of using the Guardian dating website. Dunno if it's a good idea or not - I am generally having no luck with women - the resultant dry spell is currently in size and dryness around the size of the Gobi desert.

What's cuurently cocking up my social life is that I am still not over the death of somebody who was very close to me many years ago. I am still having thoughts about the fact that if we'd married then She wouldn't have died - stupid I know.

If I am honest, i'd rather not date as I feel really overweight at the mo - need to lose some weight before I feel comfortable again.

anyhoo - had a day off to attempt to get a new job - back to work tomorrow.

bye

p.s - For those of you who are afficianados of Barbeque Sauce - try the following Jack Daniel's BBQ Sauce - ohh god - sweet nectar of the gods.

pps. thanks Mosh - Currently listening to Fury of the storm by Dragonforce - fuckin' awesome man.

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

Allez le Rosbifs!


France 13-24 England.
Ha ha ha.
Now in order to stop the Taffs winning the thing I would have been happy for France to beat England, but I am really happy that England won. I love Paris in the spring and I am sure that French women are generally better looking than their English counterparts - that said, I am a carcrash victim looking bloke so I can't comment on what the ladies think of me.
The Vin was definitely flowing freely last night and this morning. heh heh heh.


and yes, I am well aware that the toon Lost 5-1 to the Manc Scum. Can't win 'em all.

also, the supreme victory of my team was confirmed this week. Have a look at the above photo. You reckon I should have it tattooed onto my body somewhere? btw - the shield is currently resting against the right-hand speaker of my stereo.
The winning team need to have all of the plaudits. I scored the league-winning runs (a nice stroke through the off side cover region to be exact).

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Wednesday Gubbins

a few things today caught my eye.

Another earthquake in Indonesia. Seemingly the earth has it in for the Indonesians - Listen Gaia, do us all a favour and take out either the Americans or all the Man Utd fans. Please. The Indonesians have suffered enough.

News of a fantastic piece of gaming hardware. Don't get me wrong, I love future tech. But can't we come up with a piece of tecehnology that will help everybody, rather than fancy control systems for nerds?

News of a Professor discussing the problems with Technology Addiction. Do me a favour, people are addicted to work rather than the technology. I have a Mobile Phone, iPOD, large TV, Xbox 360, PC, DVD player. etc. etc. You don't see me constantly holding these to my heart while out in the street. They are just tools, they have no animus of their own.

enjoy.

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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Tuesday madness - Pope, Bees, Musharraf, Blu-Ray vs HD DVD, Newcastle United

Big post today - Starting with news item no. 1
The Vatican is slowing down the process whereby a Saint can be nominated. About time to. I would love to nominate St. Peter of Beardsley but it aint gonna happen. How about this, we all decide that miracles do not happen and the catholic Church (indeed all religious organisations) shuts down - now I am happy. Oh come on, how the hell does anybody believe in miracles these days?

Saw some Bees on Saturday in the street - I'd imagine they've frozen to death over the last two days.


The apparent victory of Blu-Ray vs HDDvD. At least I can start getting a load of my favourite films on Blu-Ray, rather than waiting for any more time for the winner in the format stakes. That said, currently HDDvD currently have the better equipped disks and Blu-Ray has a bit of catching up to do. I also own an Xbox360. This means that as Microshite have picked HDDvD as their format of choice I am now caught in the conundrum of buying either a Blu-Ray player or PS3.

The potential sale of Newcastle United from their current owner to the Dubai DIC. Right, first things first - This article is on the Guardian website - They have a track record of sticking the boot into Newcastle United. The article is by a well-known mackem sympathiser - Louise Taylor is a Sunderland fan who seemingly is in love with Roy Keane - I wonder why she hasn't done any articles kicking the Mackems when they are playing crap. hmmm.
However, if Newcastle United were for sale and I had a personal fortune of £40 odd billion (i'd need that much money at least) - then this is what I would do.

1 - Get the director of football into my office with the manager and myself to go over a suitable plan of attack for getting back up the league.
2 - Offer the manager & Director of Football £500 mill a season to sign and pay the best players in the world. listed below are some of the positions that need filling and the players I'd try and get - Now as we all know money talks, so here is the list.
Positions that need filling.
Centre back X 3
Right Back (reserve)
left back (reserve)
creative Centre midfielder x 2
right winger
left winger
decent striker who is actually interested in playing for the club.
Current Players I'd keep in Toon
GK - Given, Harper, Krul
Fullbacks - Beye, Enrique
Centre Backs - Faye, Taylor
Centre Midfield - Emre, N'Zogbia
Wingers - Milner
Strikers - Oba Martins, Andrew Carroll.
so, in no particular order here are some players I would try to get.
Christiano Ronaldo - for a club with a load of debt (and scum fans) - Man Utd, they would have to accept a bid of £50 mill
Carlos Tevez - - £20 mill
Andres Iniesta or Xavi Hernandez (Barca) - £30 mill
David Bentley - £15mill
Phillip Lahm (Bayern Munich) - £10 mill
Diego (Werder bremen) - £15mill
Klaas Jan-Huntelaar - (Ajax) - £12 mill
David Villa (Valencia) - £20mill
Daniel Alves (Sevilla) - £20mill
Sergio Ramos (Real madrid) - £13mill
Steven Gerrard (Liverpool) - £40mill+
Christopher Samba (Blackburn) - £12mill
So, I have some of my offers accepted. Here is my teams first XI on the first day of next season (hopefully in the Premier League).
GK - Shay given
RB - Habib Beye
LB - Jose Enrique
CB - Sergio Ramos
CB - Abdoulaye Faye
RM - Cristiano Ronaldo
LM - Daniel Alves
CM - Steven Gerrard/Diego
CM - Xavi Hernandez
CF - Obafemi Martins
CF - Klaas Jan-Huntelaar

now, I am well aware that there is only one English person in the XI.
so subs are
SGK - Tim Krul
SDEF - Steven Taylor (when he gets his head in the right way he should play).
SDEF - Phillip Lahm (until acclimatised)
SMID - Emre/James Milner
SCF - Andy Carroll/Michael Owen.

Cost of New team - £195 Million (on transfers alone, add another $50 mill at least for wages).
it's nice to have dreams.

the other option with that kind of cash would be to buy Man Utd's debt and then increase the repayment schedules and rate - they'll have to sell all their players soon after. Bye Bye Manc scum.
Take a look at a Newcastle United blog - it's a good read.

PS - I'd also have the Times and the Guardian banned from attending St. James' park - the times as they have a fat bastard of a chief football correspondent who looks to my eyes like he shouldn't be allowed near Children, and the Guardian for the fact that they employ Louise "Whe'se Keys" Taylor.

PPS:- As the cricket season is round the corner - here is my official player profile for a good laugh.

Cricket Player Profile.

Damo Briggs - 3rd Team Skipper

Background:-
Genuine Geordie Damo moved to Cambridge after fellow Newcastle United fans used his club shirt to dress the Angel of the North. After initially plying his trade with Whittlesford CC Damo has found his home with Cambridge NCI where he has now been entrusted withe the responsibilities of 3rd Team skipper and Club relaxation Officer.

Nickname
'Mad Dog' 'Steve's brother' 'Phil Mitchell'

Education
Byker Grove Primary; PJ and Duncan comprehensive; jimmy 5 bellies school of fine cuisine;

Attributes
Anything short and wide of off gets slapped, while equal disdain is found when despatching
any full ball on leg to cow corner. However, when faced with a knee high straight ball
Damo seems to miraculously be able to transform himself from Batsman to square leg umpire
in the blink of one stroke. His bowling and fielding can fluctuate between ridiculous
and the little less ridiculous, although his greatest attribute seems to be the ability
to wear a T-shirt no matter what time of the year, what time of the day and no matter
what the weather.

Punctuality
Good. Since becoming skipper he has become merciless on anyone of his team who has the
nerve to turn up even a fraction of a second late.

Sample Quote
'I'm not drinking this weekend', 'GRRRRRRRRRRRR PADS PADS PADS!', 'Sorry, who'se bed is this and what's your name?'

Finest moment
Scoring 98 against Fordham u12's in 2003. Leading the 3's to the league title in 2007.

Most Likely to
Lose his temper for no reason when the 3's are stuffing the opposition and in sight of victory;
Not know the name of the person he wakes up with or where they met.

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Monday, February 18, 2008

Monday missives

Well, it's monday lunchtime and the usual slew of guff in my head won't go away - so have some comment on todays issues.
1 - The Diana Inquest - Well today is the day that Mohammed Fayed (i refuse to call him al-fayed - his name is fayed - he does not have royal blood) had his go in court. So far he has said that Diana was pregnant, prince Phillip is a Nazi and a few other choice insults. Here is my take on this.
It's been 10 years you clowns. She died because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Case closed. Stop wasting public money on a pointless inquest into her death.

2 -Famous Statues. The unadorned 4th plinth in Trafalgar square has come up again - Anthony Gormley wants to put a different art installation every day - here's an idea - why don't they put somebody in the plinth who is famous for doing well for Britain - how about Shakespeare?

3 - Saw Sweeney Todd on saturday - I was well surprised with the amount of blood on show - but I did enjoy it.

4 - The new Rambo movie - Just out of interest, will they put something over the closing credits to dedicate the film to the brave freedom fighters in Burma? just like they did with Afghanistan in Rambo 3.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Random Music, or how bad is my musical taste?

One of the recent-ish things I have done is to buy an iPod (alright, well over a year ago) and tyry to fill it with some music which shows me to have discerning taste. Problem is that I have absolutely NO taste in decent music.
Premise one - I did the majority of my growing up in the 80's. As any self-respecting 90s person will tell you the music in the 80's was shit. I don't buy that personally, some of my favourite music comes from the 80's.
Premise Two - My mate Will has pointed out many times in the past that when I get drunk and am out on the town, i seem to cross the line between Sleazy and Camp in almost no time at all - normally I would dispute this, but analysing my music collection further I have some of the campest gay tunes out there.
Premise Three - My mate Mosh turned me onto some serious speed metal last year by recommending Slayer to me - so I also have a lot of angry american shouty rock on there as well.
So, in no particular order are some of the bands I have currently listed on the Party Shuffle function of my iPOD and contracsting that first are the bands/singers that I have always liked and would normally count as my favourites.

Favourite Bands:-
Depeche Mode
Pink Floyd
Michael Jackson (Off the Wall and Thriller - after was just a shower of shite)
The Human League
The Clash
Prince
Go West
The Brand New Heavies

iPOD Random Songs when Shuffle is selected.
Lostprophets - I don't Know (not bad so far)
Wham! - Wake me up before you go go (ooh dear)
Scar Tissue - Red Hot Chilli Peppers (better)
Liquid - Sweet Harmony (early 90's rave)
Hard-Fi - Unneccesary Trouble (ok)
Family Affair - Sly and the family stone (classic tune)
Young Turks - Rod Stewart (OMG)
Mozart - Piano Concerto no. 23
Kasabian - U Boat (not bad)
Led Zeppilin - Black Dog (much better)
Def Leppard - Heaven Is (getting worse)
Shola Ama - Imagine
Massive Attack - Five Man Army
The Beatles - A Hard Days Night
(actually, some of the above were quite okay)

However, here are some of the worst artists and tunes on the thing.
The Weather Girls - It's raining men (why?)
Elton John & Kiki Dee - Don't go breaking my heart (why?)
Prince - Diamonds & Pearls (for my money the worst album he ever produced)
I have a load of Pure Garage CD's on there - urrgh
Olivia Newton-John - Physical (probably the campest song I have ever heard)
Savage garden (what the hell did I put that on there for)
the list gets worse from here.

Next are a list of Bands that I have recently come to like due to other influences that about 10+ years ago I would never have entertained.
Daft Punk
Air
Slipknot
The Streets
Slayer
Lostprophets
Foo Fighters

So in conclusion some of my music is really fucking dire, and some of it is okay - but two lessons can be learnt here.

1 - Don't point your iPOD at a hard drive containing loads of random music - you will inevitably get a load of music that you don't want
2 - Can somebody explain to me the actual reason I bought an 80gb iPOD - I WILL NEVER, EVER FILL THE THING UP. grrrrrrrrrrrrr.


PS - just left the thing on and got 3 Foo Fighters tracks in a row - much better

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentines Day


Well, normally I'd just wrap today up into a ball of nothingness as I don't buy the need for this day or need to observe it.

However, I received a Valentines Card today from a Mystery person. I wonder who it could be from?

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Xbox Live Etiquette


Welcome to the world of Xbox Live Etiquette.
Navigating this potentially difficult minefield is going to be very hard.
Let me introduce you to your surroundings.
1 - You are a nOOb - a Newbie, new person of limited skill in computer games. if you are using your childs Xbox then you will have to use their gamertag. Now, Gamertags a difficult thing to get a handle on.
If you are creating your own, pick a name which means something to you - please note that any tag with the word legend/l33t/Rape/sex etc, etc in it generally means that you're dealing with a 9 year old boy - don't do it.
2 - Gaming etiquette. I play Call of Duty 4 online a bit - this means that you have to shoot at people whist in the role of either a US Marine (oo-rah), British SAS (I say tarquin, pass the M16), Unspecifiedistanian middle-eastern seperatist forces (oll-hallah) or Russian Ultranationalists (we're about to win the mission comrade). Please note that you get picked as these forces - you cannot be a US Marine all the time. When playing you will hear a variety of voices in your headset telling the world that you're all nOObs, all Brits are shit, all Americans are tossers etc, etc, etc. please ignore them.
3 - Playing the game. The watchword here is fun! why go online telling the world that they are shit? if like me you want to just have fun, then please live with the following guide.
a - ignore anybody talking to you who has the word Rape, Murder, l33t (elite player), 911 - they seem to be clowns whose job it is to be pitied.
b - remember that everybody else seems to go online to show their prowess in the digital world. When owned by a superior gamer, please don't swear at them, just get on with your own thing until you can beat them at another point in the game - simple really.
c - Clans are formed by groups of like-minded people who want to have fun as a group on Live. Please be aware that most clans are okay - but some (as you would expect) are complete idiots.
d - Remember that this is a game - try to have some good natured banter with your colleagues in this digital frontier - abuse generally is frowned upon.

I will post more as the mood takes me - time for more COD4.

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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

back in town - so to speak - fetish

fetish
After Mosh gave me a wake up call - I have returned.

Now, several things have happened in my life since I was posting regularly.
1 - Fully single again
2 - Fully healed.
3 - A lot fatter
4 - The Depression is still there.
5 - I've discovered Xbox Live.
6 - I spend most nights sitting on my bed either reading or being shot at digitally by 14 year old boys.
7 - I'm still obsessed with the most beautiful woman in the world. I can't get her out of my head - I need to get a new job so I can be away from her amazing blue eyes, flawless skin and wonderful personality. my mate Diran keeps sending me snippets of jobs in the smoke - they are tempting.

Hey ho. Not much change there then?

Anyhoo, just a couple of things that I want to get off my chest.
1 - Sharia Law - bugger off. I've met two Archbishops of Canterbury (my mum's godfather was one) - and I have to say that Rowan Williams is a tosspot.I know at some point I'm supposed to defend Cambridge alumni, but in this case why? - If I went to another country then I would have to live by their Laws. fair enough, no problem. If you want to come and live in Britain and think that your countrys/faiths law is better than the native law of the land you want to live in- GO BACK THERE. Simple.

2 - Newcastle United - Yes we're shit, yes it's a soap opera at times, yes we want success. Do me a favour. Stop beating us over the head with how we haven't won a trophy in many years. thanks.

3 - I need a new TV - what do you think I should get?

also, excuse the word bum in the title - Mosh (ian) reckons that If I put risque words in the titles of my posts I'll get more readers.

easy

Talk soon

Damien

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