Real life vs Fantasy life

Newcastle United 0 – Hull City 1

FA Cup Third Round 2008-2009 season.

It’s times like these that make you want to tear your hair out in frustration (if I had any that is).

So, in real life:

Newcastle United are in the lower half of the league.

Can’t buy a win for love nor money, have a massively injury hit squad - players who don’t want to play for the club (Charles N’Zogbia, Little Saint Mick and Shay Given) while other players just want to sit on fat contracts doing fuck all (step forward Alan Smith) and fans who are bordering on the rebellious.

Management structure is up in the air – The owner can’t sell the club, the scouting networks are in ruins and we have a director of football who can’t tell his arse from his elbow and a manager who was killed by a sniper on a grassy knoll in 1963 (sorry – wrong JFK).

And to cap it all off we are the butt of a lot of jokes from the media (step forward Henry “scumbag” Winter and Martin “looks like a sex offender” Samuel as two examples) and fans from other clubs.

What a fun time to support the team I love.

However, in the magical happy land of Football Manager 2008 it’s a somewhat different story.

Newcastle United have a new chairman in charge who wants to win things.

Their sophomore manager Damo has taken Newcastle to 3^rd in the premier League in his second season in charge.

He is playing a progressive 4-4-2 at home and away, got rid of the dead wood in the squad (Little Saint Mick £9mill to Lazio, Alan Smith contract terminated, Milner to Villa for £9Mill, Geremi £1mill to Getafe, Damien Duff £4.5mill to Celtic).With the dead wood gone the first team currently looks a little different.

GK – Steve Harper, with John Ruddy from Everton as cover while Given is injured and Krul is on loan.

RB – Habib Beye – Fit, providing assists

LB – Jose Enrique – Taken his time to acclimatise, but doing really well

CB – Fabricio Coloccini – Awesome CB

Cm – Steve Taylor – Looks decent but keeps getting booked – a new CB is on the cards at the end of the season.

RM – Aaron Lennon – secured from Spurs for hardly any money – isn’t able to cross the ball though.

LM – Jeremy Menez – awesome

CM – Evar Banega – Bought from Valencia for loads (18mill) at the start of this season – best player by a mile

CM – Stephen Defour (liege) – bought for a song in my first season and is showing world class form on the right central side of midlfield.

ST – Oba Martins – on a hot scoring streak with 12 goals in 8 games.

ST – Jimmy Briand – Future France legend – bought on the cheap – can’t stop scoring.

Oh – and Man Utd are 11^th in the league. Fuck you fergie.

In the game my managerial skills are helping me trouser £31,000 a week.

Looking at the two – I know which one I’d prefer.

There may be trouble ahead

Due to the parsimony of the Newcastle United Board and the ineptitude of our Director of football Newcastle go into the FA cup replay against Hull City tonight with a squad of 15 players.
Don't ask me how that's possible, it just is.

tonights prediction - Yet another FA Cup loss in the third round.
In other news - as I have no life at the minute (and will not have one for at least two months) I am playing computer games and watching dvds a lot. I need to start going out soon.

Cricket nets have started but I am not netting for about 3 months as I play better if I don't net before the season.

Monday Monday

well, a fun weekend was had by all and sundry.
Saturday was spent doing good things
Morning - Picked up by James to help moving a washing machine.
PM - Had my suit fitting for my ushering duties at a wedding clothier place in Willingham. Managed to stand through a chav-wedding fitting (the bride was being fitted for wearing black, and had skin the colour of badly-painted teak - NOT the wedding I am going to) -
Sunday - tidied house, rang friend to talk about their new-born baby (v.tiny baby) and talked for a while.
watched The Dark Knight last night and had a quiet night in.

This is funny - I am Ronaldo's Ferrari

Kudos to A more splendid life -0 v.funny

stolen posts

I pinched this one from MOSH, cheers bud

Here goes:

Mark the ones you’ve seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, and see how many you’ve seen…

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show - one of my favourite viewing experiences ever.
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles - Utterly brilliant - making your children watch this will make them better people as adults
(x) Airplane - Utterly brilliant - making your children watch this will make them better people as adults

Total: 9

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan [
(X ) Napoleon Dynamite [poor]
( X) Labyrinth
() Saw
() Saw II
() White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Total so far: 15

(x) Scream - Total shite
() Scream 2
() Scream 3
() Scary Movie [will never watch these or any of the piss-take genre)
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
() American Pie Band Camp

Total so far: 19

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Harry Potter 5
() Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
() The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
() Lilo & Stitch

Total so far: 24

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(X ) Signs
( ) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre [original]
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
() White Chicks - The wayans brothers should be shot
() Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot - Crap, predicatable, will smith can't act
(x) Robots

Total so far: 29

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story - (love it - v.Funny)
(x) Universal Soldier
() Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X ) Along Came Polly (forced to watch - never again)
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
() Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG [original only)

Total so far: 37

( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber (shite, shite, shite.)
() Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
( ) The Ring (stop remaking awesome Japanese films into Crap hollywood versions - I shudder if they get a hold of Old Boy)
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber (the original with Fred McMurray was much better)

Total so far: 41

() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
() Ghost Ship
(X) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
() Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards

Total so far: 43

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child’s Play (these films should be jettisoned into the sun along with their creators)
( ) Seed of Chucky
() Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(X ) Sixteen Candles
(X ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask

Total so far: 49

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Lucky Number Slevin [think this should be Lucky Number Slevin]
(x) Ocean’s Eleven
(x) Ocean’s Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
( ) The Fog
() Ice Age
() Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George

Total so far: 59

(x) Independence Day
(x ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
() Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
() Rush Hour 2

Total so far: 65

( ) Best Bet
(X ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X ) She’s All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(X ) Sideways (brilliant film - I am not drinking Merlot)
() Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
() Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China (mmmmm Kim Cattrall back when she looked cute)
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3

Total so far: 75

(x) X-Men (love the X-Men films - The wolverine film coming out this year looks awesome)
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
() The Skulls
(X ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

Total so far: 86

(X ) Swimfan (sat through 30 mins of this before leaving cinema in disgust)
(X ) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(X ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf’s Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old Virgin

Total so far: 91

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers - interesting note - My friend played an Orc in this film (he was in NZ on extended holiday at the time)
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Total so far: 97

(X ) Baseketball
(x) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
() Elf
(x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X [excellent film - should be watched by everyone]
( ) Three

Total so Far: 101

( ) The Jacket [however, I have seen Jackie Chan's "The Tuxedo" and that was shit]
(x) Kung Fu Hustle (brilliant film, v. funny)
(x) Shaolin Soccer
(X ) Night Watch [watched it - was intrigued by the idea - too much time wasted on pointless effects shots through the film)
() Monsters Inc.
(X ) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
() Willard [unheralded classic - rent it now]

Total so far: 107

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Dawn Of the Dead
(X ) Hook
( ) Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe (christian propaganda)
(x) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld

Total so far: 112

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
(X ) Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
() The Hills Have Eyes [remake]
() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman (keep meaning to watch this)
( ) The Last House on the Left
(x) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness

Total so far: 118

(X ) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith [but played the PlayStation Lego versions]
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
(X ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor

Total so far: 125

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon [original and remake]
(x) Silence of the Lambs
() Hannibal


Total - 134

2009

Well, 2008 was a fat pile of gubbins.

things that happened in 2008 I am happy with.
Winning the league again as captain of the team


resigning as captain at the agm to concentrate on my batting for 2009.

bring on 09.

on other news front.
Work still crap.
Blyth got beat by BFS's long-ball army.
Newcastle got humped over the christmas holidays.
I found out my snowboard is broken so need a new one.

talk soon