more fantasy

A new day dawns

Good day to you all.

As a lifelong Newcastle United fan I have decided that enough is enough. Having inherited the funds to buy the club I have made a tender offer to buy Newcastle United Football Club plc of £400million. This bid has been accepted by Mr Ashley this morning and as of midnight tonight Newcastle United will be owned wholly by myself and my family.

There will be changes at the club you know and love:-

Dennis Wise has been removed as Director of Football with immediate effect – He was summoned to St.James’ Park for the ownership meeting to make his case for staying in the job and refused to travel up from London – This is unacceptable to me, and as such I have dismissed him from the payroll – he will not be getting his contract paid up. In fact - he will be fired out of a cannon into the sun.

Derek Liambas has been removed as Managing Director with immediate effect.

Richard Money will stay on as Academy head until at least the end of his contract.

I would like to thank Joe Kinnear for giving us a chance at staying up in the EPL, but with his heart problems we have paid him to the end of the mooted contract extension and are in the market for a new manager – Offers have been made to a few choices.

My plans for the club are to put Newcastle back near to the top 4 where we belong –As a club with history and tradition we should be up near the top rather than where we are at present. In order to get there painful decisions lie ahead. If we get relegated this season then a lot of our established players will wish to leave – the economics of relegation and the realities of international football dictate that players will wish to leave. However the plans are to get Newcastle back to the top 10 and work our way back up from there, rather than spending millions on marquee players whilst ignoring the areas of the team that need strengthening – this is the way that Fat Freddie Shepherd and D.Hall started the rot in the first place.

At this stage I would like to extend an invitation to the operators of NUFC.com & True Faith (web and magazine) to visit St. James’ park to discuss the future of the club and go over the way that the club communicates with fans. I would also like to extend an invitation to the NUSC for a face-to-face meeting at St. James’ Park this Sunday after the game.

I want Newcastle to be at the forefront of the global game and would ideally like to start recruiting players from around the world who are world class. I want Geordie kids to aim for playing for Newcastle and will make changes to the academy structure because far too many local kids aren’t being picked up as footballers.

With the above in mind there are changes afoot.

The board will be composed of:-

Myself (infrequently due to other commitments)

Chairman

Chief Executive Officer

Managing Director

Director of Football

Fans representative x 2

Scouting Director

The roles above have been filed on a short-term basis by people I know and trust. While their business acumen isn’t well known they are people who have the club’s interests at heart.

Chairman – This position has been offered to Mr Chris Mort – he did a very good job here first time and I would like him to return, but if my offer is not heeded then I would like to approach xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx.

CEO – This position has been offered to XXXXXXXXXXXXX.

Managing Director – XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Director of Football – Offered to Alan Shearer.

Fans Representative – Two fans will be appointed on a one-year tenure – this tenure will include payment for attending meetings and a small stipend to supplement their income if required to attend meetings out of hours – if you wish to put yourself forward for this then please contact the club.

The Scouting Director position is to be filled by XXXXXXXXXXX– The job will be to liaise with the academy director to try to unearth promising talent, to liaise with the Director of Football, Manager and Board to identify suitable targets and to work closely with the scouting networks around the globe on viewing targets.

The scouting networks are in dire need of updating. As such we are in the process of hiring scouts to work in Western Europe, Northern and Western Africa, South America and the UK & Ireland – Other scouts will be deployed as the roles are filled.

Club Shares.

10% of the club’s worth in shares will be awarded to be held in trust to the fans of Newcastle United. This will give the fans a chance to vote on club matters.

Business.

In order to make sure that United have the ability to climb the league, I have committed the following resources to the club.

Transfer Fees – to the manager’s/DOF’s discretion.

Players Wages – Thanks to the ineptitude of some of the previous regimes’ the spending of massive wages on stars past their prime has to stop. We will pay competitive wages to players but will stop short of paying stupid money on players who haven’t performed in years.

Season Tickets – In these times of financial uncertainty I am announcing that all season ticket prices will be halved for the next two seasons and the projected loss will be paid by me – and an amount equalling this budget will be given to Sir Bobby Robson’s cancer charity to make sure that a legendary son of the North East keeps making lives better. I want St. James’ Park to be full every week, and would like the fans to support the club they love.

The realities of football mean that while we are one of the better supported clubs in the league there may come a time when we will have to think about either relocating to a new stadium or redeveloping the existing one in order to get a possible stadium capacity of around 80-90 thousand.

New players.

There are players I would love to see wearing the Black and White. Unfortunately due to our league position we cannot guarantee that these players will want to come to St. James’ Park. I have given a list of players to scout (after discussion with the manager and scouting director) and we will do our best in delivering good football back to Newcastle fans.

I want United to play free-flowing attacking football at all levels of the club. To look into this I have approached Ajax Amsterdam and Boca Juniors so I can take a look at their infrastructures so Newcastle can copy this coaching model.

I ask the fans to help me taking the club forward – Onwards and Upwards.

Haway the lads.

Regards

*If only*